Seasons Change, But Our Needs Do Not
Hello beautiful soul. I’m writing this to you in what feels like the coldest and longest winter ever. Emphasis on feels like because realistically, it’s just winter. Maybe a little bit more snow, but that’s what makes her special and magical.
Lately I have found myself struggling with it being really cold (in the -20°’s here) and newly postpartum with my second baby and a toddler (we’ve graduated out of the fourth trimester. Yay!)
As I always say, I’m less of a coach and more of an emotional fitness instructor because I am doing this work all the time alongside you.
Having tools doesn’t always mean we are using them.
In this moment, I have found myself needing to pause and review my own tools to get through this life transition and seasonal transition..
What I’ve been reminded of is the fact that how we feel is always going to be about whether our needs are met or not. How we get our needs met is going to look different depending on the season that we are in.
I don’t just mean seasons of nature. I also mean seasons life. Periods of transition or change in circumstances.
A lot of the time we find ways that we like getting our needs met and we get stuck.
We know how to get our needs met in the spring and summer, but once winter rolls around, the usual ways that we enjoy filling our cups no longer work either because of the weather or the time change or the darkness, so we just stop trying to fill our cups all together and wait until spring.
What we don’t realize is that we are neglecting ourselves during the winter months, waiting for the spring and summer to arrive, rather than remembering to look after ourselves in the season we are in.
We abandon our needs all together rather than just adjusting how we get them met.
We need to adapt and adjust; to the season that we are in, and also, any changes that we are experiencing in personal lives .
When we graduate from high school and are now in the adult world. When we get our first job and have to adjust our social schedule. When we have to change how we manage our finances. When we move into our first apartment, and have to figure out how to do all of the housekeeping, as well as living our lives, and seeing our friends and doing the things that fill our cup.
Resilience is also about how we adapt and adjust the ways we take care of ourselves based on the circumstances that we’re in.
This is the way we get through a difficult winter. By not forgetting that we are human beings with needs and our needs being deprived is what leads us to struggle emotionally; not the weather.
Regardless of what’s going on, we have agency to find inventive ways of creating Safety, Freedom, Meaning and Connection.
Right now, in this season, I can’t show up as much as I would love for myself in the ways that I am used to, but I am adjusting the way that I do things so that I still show up for myself and the things that I care about (like writing these blog posts while my baby naps once a week).
I’m having to find creative ways to get some alone time to connect with myself and have some novelty and freedom in my life. There are things I would love to do and I’m now in a season where I can’t do them spontaneously. I have to delay doing it and plan it more because of the logistics but even just planning it is showing up for myself.
My husband and I have to get creative about how we connect with each other in this season of our lives where our kids are such focal points for us. This might look like going on a lunch date instead of a dinner date or just going for a walk together, grabbing a coffee, whatever it might be. It’s okay to look forward to going to concerts together again and going to dinners together, but we can’t just completely neglect each other until that time is possible. So we have to find ways to connect in the here and now with the circumstances that we have.
I don’t know what season of life you are in and whether it’s a transition big or small, but I do know that no matter what your lifestyle looks like at the moment, your needs have not stopped being important and you deserve to have them met.
I can’t tell you what it’s going to look like for you to find your ways of getting your needs met, but here are some ways I do that help restore me:
Safety
- Cleaning my house
- Curating my online experience
- Limiting toxic and draining conversations with family
- Listening to soothing music while I do everyday tasks
Freedom
- Once a month having a solo date
- Spontaneously deciding to go somewhere and going, even if it means taking the baby
- Having a bubble bath
Connection
- Going for a walk in a park even in the winter
- Writing a love note to my husband
- Sending voice notes to my friends
- Journaling
Meaning
- Sharing uplifting and empowering content
- Creating supportive content
- Getting involved in my community events
- Listening to a friend that’s going through something difficult and sharing words of support and encouragement
This is by no means an exhaustive list. It’s just meant to illustrate that we really only have 4 core needs – Safety, Freedom, Meaning and Connection. How we fill those buckets comes in so many forms.
It’s never going to be one size fits all for each of us and our life is going to demand that we change the way that we do it.
So for the next week I want you to look at your calendar, see what you have going on. Check in with yourself. See what you feel like you’re needing and then brain dump some ways that you can get that need met.
I also recommend that you create a list (a bucket list or a menu if you will) of the different ways you can fill your cup in different seasons (Spring, Summer, Fall, Winter) so you can always refer to it. Come up with things that you can do when you have tons of energy and things you can do when you’re feeling low energy.
Whatever it is, take your power back by making the decision and doing the thing. Not sitting around and waiting for the external world to grant you permission. You only have this one life and you deserve to feel good in it.
